Making friends online can be a beautiful and enriching experience. Whether through messages, letters, or shared communities, many people build genuine friendships across borders and cultures. Most of the time, these interactions are warm and respectful. But once in a while, someone may receive a message that feels upsetting, disturbing, or even harmful.

On Slowly, while we aim to encourage deeper and more thoughtful connections through letter writing, upsetting or inappropriate messages can still happen from time to time. If you ever find yourself in that situation, here are some supportive tips to help you protect your space, care for your well-being, and understand what actions you can take.

1/ Recognise Toxic or Harmful Behaviour

Not every message comes with good intentions. If something feels off, trust your instincts. You don’t need to justify that feeling. Here are a few signs a message may have crossed the line:

• It tries to shame or bully you
• It pushes romantic or sexual topics you didn’t ask for
• It expresses violent ideas or threats
• It shares heavy emotional content like self-harm or suicidal thoughts
• It pushes for photos or personal information

These are not just “bad vibes.” They are signs of harmful behaviour that you do not have to tolerate. If a message includes any of the above, read on to learn what you can do next.

2/ Pause and Take Care of Your Emotions

When a message leaves you feeling shaken, upset, or overwhelmed, the most important thing you can do is pause. You do not have to respond right away, or at all. Close the letter and step away from the app for a moment.

Emotional responses like confusion, anger, sadness, or even numbness are natural. Let yourself feel what you need to feel without judgment. Then, try doing something that helps you feel grounded again. You might go for a walk, make a cup of tea, listen to calming music, or reach out to someone you trust.

Protecting your emotional well-being and staying grounded is often the best shield against toxic behaviour.

3/ Set Boundaries and Limit Contact

Setting boundaries can mean choosing not to reply, taking a break before responding, or being clear about what topics you are not open to discussing. If someone continues to cross those lines, it is completely okay to step away and stop the exchange.

On Slowly, you can also choose to block a user if you no longer feel safe or respected. Protecting your peace is more important than being polite. A meaningful connection should feel mutual, supportive, and kind. It should never feel pressured or one-sided.

4/ Avoid Trying to Fix Them

When someone sends a message that upsets or disturbs you, you might feel tempted to reply with a long argument or try to help them understand what they did wrong. This is a natural reaction, especially if you value empathy or tend to give people the benefit of the doubt.

But you are not responsible for educating or fixing someone else’s behaviour. If a message has made you feel hurt or uncomfortable, your focus should be on caring for yourself, not changing the other person.

In many cases, trying to explain can lead to more discomfort, defensiveness, or further harm. You are allowed to walk away without offering an explanation. Silence and distance are valid responses when your well-being is at risk.

5/ Report When Needed

If a message goes beyond feeling upsetting and clearly breaks our Community Guidelines, you can report it directly in the app. Every report is reviewed with care and handled confidentially by our team. Reporting helps protect not just you, but others in the community too.

Even if you are not sure whether something “counts” as a violation, trust your instincts. If it makes you feel unsafe or deeply uncomfortable, it is worth reporting.

No one should feel threatened or disrespected while trying to make friends. Taking action is a way to look after yourself and help Slowly remain a safe and welcoming space for everyone.

6/ Reach Out for Support

You do not have to go through difficult moments alone. Reach out to a friend, a trusted family member, or someone who can listen and offer support.

Sometimes simply talking about what happened can bring relief and help you feel more grounded. If the message causes deeper distress, consider speaking with a mental health professional who can provide guidance and care.

Slowly is a space for meaningful friendships, but real connection begins with recognising your own needs and honouring them.

When Letters Are Kind and Respectful, They Go a Long Way

Most people on Slowly are here for the same reason you are: to connect, to share, and to build genuine friendships. While you may occasionally encounter someone who brings negativity, how you choose to respond matters. By protecting your space, setting boundaries, and using the tools available, you can move past the harm and focus on the people who truly matter, the ones who bring warmth, respect, and joy to your Slowly journey.

Let us continue writing with empathy, one thoughtful letter at a time. And if you’re ever unsure about what is okay to write, you can always check our Community Guidelines.